It’s difficult to start a blog and to know exactly what to say. So I decided to start with today and let the story unfold as I go…
To give you a brief history of who I am and why my day would be so important, let me take you back to four months ago…
Well, I’m a 41 year old, Caucasian, single mom of two children and currently the guardian of my 16 year old niece. We live in a beautiful coastal town – the picturesque Garden Route on the Southern tip of Africa.
In November 2014, I walked joyfully down a couple of stairs and felt my ankles wobble… Left, right, left and I collapsed, falling down two steps and onto the pavement below. It was quite a scenario to say the least.
After three days of agony – I had x-rays done and was informed that my left ankle had two fractures, a clean break and my right ankle was severely sprained. I was booked in for surgery and since then have being going for physiotherapy, which brings me back to today.
Today was my last appointment with the physiotherapist and I finally gave back the crutches. It’s been a long and very difficult journey. You can imagine… A 41 year old, independent woman. Never been married, having recently moved to a new town and only knowing three people.
What was the reason behind my ailment I wondered…
Having being involved in holistic healing since the age of 17, I would naturally question the metaphysical reasoning behind my broken ankle. Well, I took into consideration that for the first time since leaving home, I had to depend on someone else to take care of me. I was like a baby, I needed to be carried to the bathroom, bathed, dressed, and all my needs taken care of – the children, my full-time employment, the list goes on.
This is where the story get’s interesting. Six months ago I met a guy and for the first two months we were inseparable. Then things became too heated between us and both of us decided that it was best to let the friendship putter out. I wrote an email to him, explaining how he had hurt my feelings etc, but couldn’t send it. That evening I had my accident.
He was there in a flash, holding my hand and soothing me. He took me under his wing and took care of all my needs. Not to mention, he had his own life to contend with. He moved in with us for the first two months and helped with everything. I fell in love, couldn’t help myself.
Things became very difficult between us. He didn’t want a relationship and at the same time he had also developed feelings for me. And on the other hand, I had allowed myself the pleasure of being nurtured, which I had denied myself due to a negative past experience.
I have to admit the situation made me depressed. I found myself drowning in despair, wishing that for once in my life, I could actually enjoy the love and companionship of a man.
Well this story is not about a man and woman who fall in love and live happily ever after. It’s about my inner journey and the revelations that would stir in me ever so often. One thing is for sure, I couldn’t run away anymore – I actually had to stay put and face myself.
I also did the necessary emotional and physical meditations and a couple of Reiki sessions on myself. I needed to uncover the original negative relationship patterns, that I kept repeating. I discovered that the issues I experienced were related to the relationship between my father and myself. And through understanding and forgiveness, I was able to to confront the dynamics of my relationships and how they had affected me over the past 40 years.
All the patterns that had played out in my previous relationships began to play out and I had to deal with each issue as it arose. I realised my thoughts were creating every occurrence. If I visualised him not really wanting to help me, but doing it out of pity for me. I would sink into a mood, which would in turn affected his mood and we’d start fighting.
So I began to change how I felt about the situation and before my eyes I noticed he changed and became more loving and supportive. I then decided to test this new theory out and would intentionally change my thoughts. I watched as we fought or grew close. I endorsed that I manifest my reality and then I began to use this knowledge to help me achieve more of an enlightened outcome.
As I sat in the waiting room today – I thought about all the people I had met along this journey… How the spirit moves in mysterious ways – I thank each of them, the universe and the angels – for the help and healing that has taken place…
The doctors and nurses did an amazing job even though I lost the plot many times. I just wish there was a little more passion for ones choice of career. As one lady in the waiting room stated, “We get more love from the banks!”
The people of South Africa – I thank you for reminding me that I create my reality and that wherever I found myself, there was always a beautiful soul out there willing to be a friend and help in some small way, even if it was a smile. To me this is priceless as it reminds me of the comradeship I felt as a child and I do believe that we as South Africans are something very special.
Well today I was able to jump on my feet three times, without pain! Simultaneously I thought about the past week – how my relationship with my best friend has developed into the most loving, nourishing and unconditional experience. I feel the desire to enjoy the present moment with him without expectations and in that way allow myself the pleasure of love.
I thought about how I have evolved in the past four months and I smile…
